The Sheik Tugboat Story - PART 5

June 12, 2020

 

PART 5 - THE MAIN EVENT V

 

February 1, 1991

The day has come

The esteemed President

The distinguished

JACK TUNNEY

Is making a major

PROCLAMATION

Regarding WrestleMania 7

The LA Sports Coliseum

One hundred thousand fans

THE MAIN EVENT

Prepared to be announced

Sean Mooney

The Master of Ceremonies

Holding the microphone

Next to Mr. Tunney

As his speech begins

 

“Wrestlemania 7

Will be the

BIGGEST AND BEST

In the history of

The World Wrestling Federation!

My office

Has been deliberating

On what will be the main event

Of this SPECTACULAR card

We have mentioned names like

The Ultimate Warrior

The Macho King Randy Savage

Andre the Giant

Even the Million Dollar Man himself

Ted DiBiase

However

Although all of these men

Are UNDOUBTEDLY deserving

We have decided that on

March 24, 1991

The main event of WrestleMania 7 will be,,,”

 

TOOOOOOT!

Out marches General Adnan

Colonel Mustafa

And the NEWWW

World Wrestling Federation champion

SHEIK TUGBOAT

Headdress on

Fatigues worn

The championship raised

Over his head

The Prisoner of War

For all to see

The despicable disrespect

Interrupting the President

All three enter the ring

The General grabs the mic

Forcibly removes Mooney

Into the corner

Walks right up

To the esteemed figurehead

Starts spewing his rhetoric

In Arabic

The fans begin booing their hearts out

Adnan ends his speech

With three very strong

TUGBOAT AKBAR!
TUGBOAT AKBAR!

TUGBOAT AKBAR!

The Colonel and General salute

Then hand off

The figurative pipebomb

Off to the champion

Belt over his shoulder

Body stoic

Lips pursed

Face-to-face

With Mr. Tunney

Time to vocalize

 

“There is absolute no way

ZERO WAY

That YOU are deciding

The Main Event

Of WrestleMania 7

I am the NEW champion

I HAVE THE POWER NOW!

And as WWF champion

I have decided to go on

LAST.

I AM THE MAIN EVENT.

Also

I have decided to defend

My championship

Against the #1 contender

SGT. SLAUGHTER!

We want to defend the honor

THE HONOR

Of the country of Iraq

On the grandest stage of them all!

And there is nothing

You poor excuse for a President

Can do about it.”

 

The President

Perplexed

But stoic

Looks at the Sheik

And asks for the microphone

The Sheik

Begrudgingly

Agrees to the action

With a smug smirk on his face

 

“Mr. Tugboat

Unequivocally

You are IN the main event

You are the WWF champion

However

Sgt. Slaughter is categorically

NOT

The #1 contender

He did NOT win

The 1991 Royal Rumble

THEREFORE

It is my duty

To announce

That you will be defending

YOUR World Wrestling Federation title

At WrestleMania 7

In Los Angeles

In front of

One hundred thousand fans

At the Memorial Coliseum

Against the WINNER

Of the 1991 Royal Rumble

And the two-time former

World Wrestling Federation champion

THE #1 CONTENDER
HULK

HOGAN!”

 

The fans erupt

With joy and adulation

Sheik Tugboat erupts

With anger and fury

The frustration

Sets in

Slamming his fist

On the turnbuckle

Repeatedly

Bordering on

A temper tantrum

Screaming

“He doesn’t deserve it!

He doesn’t deserve it!”

The President leaves

The General and Colonel

Try to calm him down

But the champ

Just irate

WrestleMania is set

Former friends

Set to do battle

 

---

 

The main event

Of The Main Event V

The Hulkster

The last American hero

Faced off

With Sgt. Slaughter

The rematch

From the final two

At the Rumble 91

Sarge had the General

Flagging him

While the Hulkster

Had the red white and blue

The American flag

And the power of Hulkamania

 

From the start

ALL HULKSTER

Fist to feet

Buckle to buckle

Bump to bump

The Sarge is a figurative

Human Pinball

Suffering in pain

Writhing on the canvas

Just as the Hulkster

Went for the kill

Sarge begging for forgiveness

Pleading for his life

WHAM!

Out of nowhere

The Iraqi Warship

Smashes the Hulkster

In the back of the head

With his Prisoner of War

The WWF championship

The bell rings

Automatic disqualification

He ran down the aisle

Snuck into the ring

Under the bottom rope

And inflicted

The Pearl Harbor job

The General and Colonel

Follow shortly behind

A 4-on-1 assault

Stomps galore

The Sheik digs into

His pocket of his fatigues

Pulls out

His military baton

The Iraqi officers

Pick up the Hulkster’s

Beaten carcass

Drape him onto the ropes

Back exposed

Slaughter and Mustafa

Go onto the apron

Holding Hulk’s arms

Adnan directing traffic

The Tugger starts whipping

Laying them in thick

The Hulkster’s back

Glistening with red marks

Lashed like a lion

From a tamer

After a dozen whacks

Hulk is let go

Collapses

Pure agony

 

The Sheik’s face

A smile of relief

Picking up his championship

Raising it to the heavens

Standing over

A prone Hulkster

Officials surround the ring

But the Fearsome Foursome

Stand tall

War has been declared

WrestleMania 7 will be a

Battlefield

Hulk Hogan vs Sheik Tugboat

 

IT

HAS

ONLY

JUST

BEGUN.


Jon Harder

Jon@HardwayHQ.com

 

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