The Sheik Tugboat Story - PART 5
PART 5 - THE MAIN EVENT V
February 1, 1991
The day has come
The esteemed President
The distinguished
JACK TUNNEY
Is making a major
PROCLAMATION
Regarding WrestleMania 7
The LA Sports Coliseum
One hundred thousand fans
THE MAIN EVENT
Prepared to be announced
Sean Mooney
The Master of Ceremonies
Holding the microphone
Next to Mr. Tunney
As his speech begins
“Wrestlemania 7
Will be the
BIGGEST AND BEST
In the history of
The World Wrestling Federation!
My office
Has been deliberating
On what will be the main event
Of this SPECTACULAR card
We have mentioned names like
The Ultimate Warrior
The Macho King Randy Savage
Andre the Giant
Even the Million Dollar Man himself
Ted DiBiase
However
Although all of these men
Are UNDOUBTEDLY deserving
We have decided that on
March 24, 1991
The main event of WrestleMania 7 will be,,,”
TOOOOOOT!
Out marches General Adnan
Colonel Mustafa
And the NEWWW
World Wrestling Federation champion
SHEIK TUGBOAT
Headdress on
Fatigues worn
The championship raised
Over his head
The Prisoner of War
For all to see
The despicable disrespect
Interrupting the President
All three enter the ring
The General grabs the mic
Forcibly removes Mooney
Into the corner
Walks right up
To the esteemed figurehead
Starts spewing his rhetoric
In Arabic
The fans begin booing their hearts out
Adnan ends his speech
With three very strong
TUGBOAT AKBAR! TUGBOAT AKBAR!
TUGBOAT AKBAR!
The Colonel and General salute
Then hand off
The figurative pipebomb
Off to the champion
Belt over his shoulder
Body stoic
Lips pursed
Face-to-face
With Mr. Tunney
Time to vocalize
“There is absolute no way
ZERO WAY
That YOU are deciding
The Main Event
Of WrestleMania 7
I am the NEW champion
I HAVE THE POWER NOW!
And as WWF champion
I have decided to go on
LAST.
I AM THE MAIN EVENT.
Also
I have decided to defend
My championship
Against the #1 contender
SGT. SLAUGHTER!
We want to defend the honor
THE HONOR
Of the country of Iraq
On the grandest stage of them all!
And there is nothing
You poor excuse for a President
Can do about it.”
The President
Perplexed
But stoic
Looks at the Sheik
And asks for the microphone
The Sheik
Begrudgingly
Agrees to the action
With a smug smirk on his face
“Mr. Tugboat
Unequivocally
You are IN the main event
You are the WWF champion
However
Sgt. Slaughter is categorically
NOT
The #1 contender
He did NOT win
The 1991 Royal Rumble
THEREFORE
It is my duty
To announce
That you will be defending
YOUR World Wrestling Federation title
At WrestleMania 7
In Los Angeles
In front of
One hundred thousand fans
At the Memorial Coliseum
Against the WINNER
Of the 1991 Royal Rumble
And the two-time former
World Wrestling Federation champion
THE #1 CONTENDER HULK
HOGAN!”
The fans erupt
With joy and adulation
Sheik Tugboat erupts
With anger and fury
The frustration
Sets in
Slamming his fist
On the turnbuckle
Repeatedly
Bordering on
A temper tantrum
Screaming
“He doesn’t deserve it!
He doesn’t deserve it!”
The President leaves
The General and Colonel
Try to calm him down
But the champ
Just irate
WrestleMania is set
Former friends
Set to do battle
---
The main event
Of The Main Event V
The Hulkster
The last American hero
Faced off
With Sgt. Slaughter
The rematch
From the final two
At the Rumble 91
Sarge had the General
Flagging him
While the Hulkster
Had the red white and blue
The American flag
And the power of Hulkamania
From the start
ALL HULKSTER
Fist to feet
Buckle to buckle
Bump to bump
The Sarge is a figurative
Human Pinball
Suffering in pain
Writhing on the canvas
Just as the Hulkster
Went for the kill
Sarge begging for forgiveness
Pleading for his life
WHAM!
Out of nowhere
The Iraqi Warship
Smashes the Hulkster
In the back of the head
With his Prisoner of War
The WWF championship
The bell rings
Automatic disqualification
He ran down the aisle
Snuck into the ring
Under the bottom rope
And inflicted
The Pearl Harbor job
The General and Colonel
Follow shortly behind
A 4-on-1 assault
Stomps galore
The Sheik digs into
His pocket of his fatigues
Pulls out
His military baton
The Iraqi officers
Pick up the Hulkster’s
Beaten carcass
Drape him onto the ropes
Back exposed
Slaughter and Mustafa
Go onto the apron
Holding Hulk’s arms
Adnan directing traffic
The Tugger starts whipping
Laying them in thick
The Hulkster’s back
Glistening with red marks
Lashed like a lion
From a tamer
After a dozen whacks
Hulk is let go
Collapses
Pure agony
The Sheik’s face
A smile of relief
Picking up his championship
Raising it to the heavens
Standing over
A prone Hulkster
Officials surround the ring
But the Fearsome Foursome
Stand tall
War has been declared
WrestleMania 7 will be a
Battlefield
Hulk Hogan vs Sheik Tugboat
IT
HAS
ONLY
JUST
BEGUN.
Jon Harder
