The Sheik Tugboat Story - PART 1
INTRO - Part 1
In 1990
Hulk Hogan
Was down and out
Given an Earthquake splash
And several Aftershocks
On the Brother Love Show
He was crushed
Devastated
Brutalized
Lost a belief in himself
No one knew
If he would ever return
One man
Refused to let it happen
Gathered up every single
HULKAMANIAC
Had them say well wishes
Write him letters
Postcards
Cards themselves
Wishing a simple
GET WELL HULK
Got the Hulkster
Back on his feet
Back to believing
In himself
And got his revenge
On Earthquake
And then defended
The United States of America
Beat the Iraqi sympathizer
Sgt, Slaughter
And became the top dog
Once again
The World Champion
Hulkamania ran wild once more
Inside the LA Sports Arena
But what would happen
If you hit
An alternate timeline
An alternate reality
A different world
Where the motivation
Would be a swerve
Not just on a friendship
Not just on a fan group
But on an entire country
And defended his championship
In front of
One hundred thousand fans
This is the tale
The story
The dream
Of the Iraqi Warship
All hail
SHEIK TUGBOAT
---
The week before
Summerslam 1990
Earthquake and Dino Bravo
The Canadian Power Duo
Attacked the Tugger
The only Natural Disaster
Devastated the #1 Hulkamaniac
With an Earthquake
9.6 on the Richter Scale
And several Aftershocks
Leaving him out
To watch the Hulkster’s back
At the Biggest Party of the Summer
HOWEVER
Unlike the Hulkster’s injury
There were no letters
No postcards
No cards
Not one
GET WELL TUGBOAT
Nothing
No one wished him well
Except for two people
Of an Iraqi persuasion
The General and his Colonel
Adnan and Mustafa
A couple of phone calls
A couple of visits
Showing support
Giving respect
Amassing positivity
The Hulkster let him down
HUGE
No one else cared
The Iraqis let him know.
TUGBOAT AKBAR
For weeks on WWF programming
An egg has been showcased
In front of the live crowd
“Incubating”
Preparing to hatch
Questions have been raised
But commentators have let the world know
Survivor Series 1990
The egg will hatch
Anticipation has been built
But so has a plan
A plan
So diabolical
It will turn the WWF
Onto the head
Figuratively
Literally
November 22, 1990
It’s time
The hatching is about to occur
The fans are wild about it
Mean Gene Okerlund
Excited upon all belief
“IT”S ABOUT TO BLOW!”
Out pops a giant bird
Bordering on a plump turkey
Gobbledy Gooking around
Eyes the size of
GIANT ping pong balls
Feathers upon feathers
A mass amalgamation
Mean Gene explodes in excitement
“YOU’RE THE GOBBLEDY GOOKER!”
Both the giant creature
And the Voice of the WWF
Saunter with swagger
Down to the ring
Together the duo
Starts dancing
Jucking
Jiving
With no regards for the fans in attendance
Heckling ‘til their voice is sore
The do-si-do
The hand jive
Unbeknownst to them
The Triangle of Terror
Led by Sgt. Slaughter
Surround the ring
Mean Gene is befuddled
Stunned
Asking in his announcer tone
“What is the meaning of this?”
Suddenly in an instant
The Gooker shoves him
HARD
Right into the turnbuckle
The interviewing maestro
In serious pain
The big bird backs up
RUNNING AVALANCHE
Takes the wind out of Gene
Falls to the canvas
A lifeless carcass
Prone to punishment
One bounce off the ropes
The bird goes airborne
BIG SPLASH
A hushed crowd
A stunned Gorilla and Hot Rod
The trio enter the ring
A celebratory team of evil
And remove the HEAD
Of the Gobbledy Gooker
It wasn’t a bird
IT...
WAS…
TUGBOAT!
Referees and road agents
Try to stop the mayhem
The chaos
But it’s too late
Mean Gene has been decimated
Destroyed
As the trio
Now a quartet
Leave the arena
A stretcher comes out
EMTs carry out Mean Gene
And take him to an ambulance
Which will take him to
A local medical facility
The only thought wondered
The only question asked
WHY TUGBOAT?
WHY?
Jon Harder
