The Sheik Tugboat Story - PART 14


PART 14


Howard Finkel

Decked out

Finest tuxedo

Hair groomed

American flag handkerchief

Right breast jacket pocket

Ready to bellow out

His finest baritone


“THIS

Is your main event

Of WrestleMania 7!

Scheduled for

ONE FALL

For the

WORLD

WRESTLING

FEDERATION

CHAMPIONSHIP!

And it will be contested under

DESERT

STORM

RULES!

There will be

NO COUNTOUTS

NO DISQUALIFICATIONS

AND NO PINFALLS!

There are only two ways to win

Ladies and gentlemen

Either by

SUBMISSION

OR

SURRENDER!”


The Fink

Takes a step back


“ATTEN-HUT!”

Followed by

A strong boat horn

Over the PA system

One by one

Out walks

The Fearsome Foursome


The sounds of

A single snare drum

Lead out

The General

The Colonel

The Sargent

And then

On a personalized ring cart

Similar to WrestleMania 6

Draped with an Iraqi flag

Stands the Iraqi Warship

Beige khakis

Black singlet top

Iraqi flag draped over shoulders

Headdress

Freshly pressed

Over the top of

The dark mullet

The Prisoner of War

The WWF championship

Held over his head

Defiantly

Proudly

Stoically

His face cold

Angry

But prideful

SHEIK TUGBOAT

Has come out

His WrestleMania moment


The Fink

Microphone to his mouth

Lips pursed

Prepares his baritone

For the formal introductions


“As per HIS REQUEST

Introducing first

Representing the Fearsome Foursome

And accompanied by members

General Adnan

Colonel Mustafa

And Sargent Slaughter

Now residing

In Baghdad, Iraq

Weighing 385 pounds

The WORLD

WRESTLING

FEDERATION

CHAMPION

SHEIKKKKKK

TUGBOAT!”


Throughout his entrance

Its entirety

The fans

Unruly

Unhinged

Indescribable

Jeering

Heckling

Booing

Cursing

Screaming

Throwing trash

Toilet paper

Beer

Soda

All at the moving cart

Hitting the champion

The Iraqi Warship

Doesn’t even budge

Unaffected

A true bastion of brutality

Still like a statue

NO EFFECT


50 yards later

The cart reaches the ring

The ropes unbuckled

The Sheik

Places his title

Over his shoulder

Walks down the steps

Onto the arena platform

One by one

Adnan

Mustafa

Slaughter

Tugboat

Up the ring steps

Single file

Onto the ring apron

Into the squared circle

The Fearsome Foursome

Face the hard cam

Horizontal single line

The General speaks

His marching orders

Ten seconds later

All four men

SALUTE


The fans boo

Hiss with anger

A fan jumps the rails

Attempts to run in the ring

Security stops him

Pulls him out

But the Sargent

Delivers

A stiff boot

To the spectator

No trespassers

The Fearsome Foursome

Have made the ring

Its own

PERSONAL

BATTLEGROUND


A slow rumble

A synthesize effect

Rumbles on the PA


“I AM A REAL AMERICAN

FIGHTS FOR THE RIGHTS OF EVERY MAN I AM A REAL AMERICAN FIGHTS FOR WHAT’S RIGHT

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!”


The guitar riffs heavy

The crowd goes

BANANA

The champion hands over

His Prisoner of War

To the General

Hands his headdress

To the Sargent

But his tough psyche

Is handed off

To the Hulkster


An army tank

Decked out to the nines

Starts moving down the aisle

Standing tall on top

Is the Immortal one

The army camouflage fatigues

Match his camo vest

American flag bandana

Covers the dome

A scowl

Covers his face

American flag

Covers his neck

The tank stops halfway

The Hulkster climbs down

Now on the floor

He salutes the driver

Waltzes in front of the tank

Stands tall

Proud

Stoic

Points to the ring

The Iraqi Warship

Signals him to come down

He obliges

Runs down the rest of the way

Rolls under the bottom rope


The Fink scatters

Forget the other announcement

Protect his life


The Fearsome Foursome

Prep to pounce

Like a pack of wolves

On a prone soul

But then

WHOA!

The Hulkster

Dug into his pockets

POWDER!

Direct hit!

All four feel the effect

The Corporal

The General

The Sargent

All figuratively powder

To the floor

The champion

Drops to his knees

A BIG RIGHT HAND

Like a heat seeking missile

On the dome

By the Hulkster


DING

DING

DING


The bell sounds

DESERT STORM RULES

Under way

The war ignites

At WrestleMania 7!


The Hulkster

All over the Sheik

Like a fly on honey

Throwing haymaker

After haymaker

After haymaker

After haymaker

The Iraqi Warship is rocked

But doesn’t flat back

Refuses to fall

But the Hulkster

Is the Iceberg

Trying to break

The Tugboat Titanic

Hulkster bounces off the ropes

AXE BOMBER

Clothesline wraps around

The champ’s neck

But he will not fall

Hogan runs again

ANOTHER AXE BOMBER

The champ won’t bend

Hogan one more time

Sheik throws his own

DUCKS

Hulkster comes off the other side

A THIRD AXE BOMBER

THE WARSHIP GOES DOWN!


The Memorial Coliseum

ERUPTS

The Hulkster

Feeding of the energy

Rolls to the floor

All 3 of the army still down

He pushes the timekeeper away

Grabs a steel chair

Folds it up

Rolls back into the ring

He holds it high in the air

Signalling the next shot

The champ stands up

Stumbling like a drunk man

Turns towards the Hulkster

He takes off

WHAM

A steel chair to the head

Of the head of the Fearsome Foursome

The Tugger

On his back

Rolls over to his belly

On all fours

The Hulkster rears back

WHAM

A steel chair to the back

The champion collapses

WHAT’S THIS?

A smattering of red

Bordering on a puddle

Forms on the canvas

Sheik Tugboat

BUSTED WIDE OPEN!

The crimson mask

Makes a long awaited return

The Hulkster turns him over

Like cooking a roast

Drops to a knee

And starts peppering

The forehead wound

Five punches later

The fist

Covered in blood

The Hulkster

Takes his left index finger

Swipes right

On his right knuckles

And makes custom eye shadow

Under each eye

OH

MY

GOD

WAR PAINT

Custom made

By the Hulkster

Using Tugboat’s own blood! The war is on!


The Hulkster

Demanding

Signaling

Forcing

The Iraqi Warship

Staggering

Stumbling

Up to his feet

Bloodied

Turns around

The Hulkster

Another missile

AXE BOMBER

Bounces the champ

To the buckle

The champ

Comes out

BIG BOOT

He’s still on his feet!

Hulkster fires up

BIG BOOT AGAIN

The Tugger will not fall

Bloody and all

The challenger raises his fist

High in the air

The fans chanting along

ONE

TWO

THREE

A trifecta of punches to the cranium

Irish whip

A THIRD BIG BOOT

Down he goes

Hulkster looks to further weaken

Bounces himself off the ropes

WAIT!

Leg trip by the Sarge!

Hulkster falls face first

And now the Sarge

The Colonel

The General

All back on their feet

Like a pack of wolves

Pouncing on the prone Real American

Boots

Kicks

Stomps

The tide has turned

In this championship war


The bloody champion

Struggles

But definitely stands

As his army

Holds the weakened Hulkster

By the 24 inch pythons

And starts throwing haymakers

One after the other

His fist starts to hurt

But the pummeling commences

And the crowd furious

Angry

Unfurling catcalls and hatred

The Iraqi Warship

Signals to the General

Adnan digs into his pocket

WHAT’S THIS?

The military baton

The steel rod of destruction

The General hands it off

Sheik Tugboat stands tall

He looks at the Hulkster’s face

With that cold

Dead

Evil Stare

Bellows in his loud

Boisterous

Powerful voice

“TUGBOAT AKBAR!”

Arm up

Arm down

BATON TO THE HULKSTER’S DOME!

The army lets go

Blood starts soaking the canvas

The challenger is also

BUSTED WIDE OPEN!


The bloody defiant champion

Now signals for the end

Drops the baton

He points at the Sargent

Gives him the salute

Slaughter digs into his pocket

A LIGHTER?

TISSUE PAPER?

OH MY

GOD

They are not!

THEY ARE!

The Sheik looking for the end!

They are looking to

FIREBALL

The Hulkster’s face!

DESERT STORM RULES

Leading to the beginning

Of the end


The army again grabs

The Hulkster’s 24 inch pythons

Both arms extended

The Sheik smiling

A bloody evil maniacal smile

Face exposed

Unprotected

The Hulkster’s all but done for

Tugger goes to light

NOTHING

Tugger tries again

NOTHING

The lighter

Apparently malfunctioned

The champion furious

Starts screaming

Absolute anger

But the time lapse

Leads to surprise


THROUGH THE CROWD

OVER THE BARRICADE

It’s the Battle Kat!

The flying feline

Leaps in

Jumps on the General

Cat scratch fever

The Sarge and the Colonel

Let go of the Hulkster

Go after the Feline

The Iraqi Warship

Drops the lighter and paper

All four pounces on the Kat

BUT MORE CAVALRY ARRIVES

Running down the aisle way

HACKSAW!

NIKOLAI!

Duggan and Volkoff

Sprinting with 2x4s

Run into the ring

2x4 TO SARGE!

2x4 TO MUSTAFA!

Both men roll out to the floor

Duggan and Volkoff follow

The fans are going crazy

The General

Scratched up in his grill

Leaves the ring too

Trying to stop the onslaught

Five men

Standing by the entranceway

Brawling

THE BATTLE KAT

Looks around

Walks over to the ropes

QUICK LIKE A CAT

SPRINGBOARD

SOMERSAULT

ONTO EVERYONE!

MEOW!

The American sacrifice

To take out the Iraqi army

UNREAL!

100,000 fans

Los Angeles faithful

American patriots

ROAR in approval

We are at neutral strength!


The Sheik

In bloodied disbelief

Complete shock

Now turns into rage

The Hulkster starts to stir

But the Iraqi Warship

Doesn’t allow one extra breath

Goes back to the canvas

Military baton

Back in grasp

WHAM

Another shot to the dome

Hulkster back down

Flat on his back

Laid out

Sprawled on the mat

Bloodied up

The Iraqi Warship

Sees his chance

Off the ropes

Comes back

Big jump

Legs extended

THE BIG LEG DROP!

INSULT TO INJURY

Oh man

It’s academic

This match is all about over

And the Sheik…

What’s he doing?

THE AMERICAN FLAG

That was around the Hulkster’s neck

Alone

Unfurled in the corner

A diabolical smile

Creeps on the Tugger’s face

He walks over

Scoops it up

Holds it up high

Fans absolutely disgusted

Heckling and booing

The Sheik cups his ear

To the jeers

Sickening

He now drapes the flag

Over the prone body

Of the Hulkster

The symbol of America

About to be desecrated

One final time

The Sheik

Bounces off the ropes

About to come back off

BUT WAIT!

His leg gets grabbed

He trips up and stumbles

OH

MY GOD

It’s MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Mean Gene’s back!

He hasn’t been seen

Since Survivor Series!

The place erupts

Mean Gene

Points his finger

At the bloody champion

The Iraqi Warship is shocked

Stunned

Absolutely flabbergasted

The champ turns his attention back

WHOOSH! FIRE! FIRE!

FLAMES ABOUND!

The Hulkster

He recovered the lighter

The tissue paper

He threw a fireball into the face

Of the champion!

The Sheik goes down!

His skin

Bloodied

Charred

His face decimated

Hulkster HULKING UP

Bounces off the ropes

LEG DROP!

AGAIN

LEG DROP!

ONE MORE TIME

LEG DROP!

The fans are unglued

The Hulkster

Face fired up

Figuratively

Looks at Sheik Tugboat

Face fired up

Literally

Sits him up

OH NO!

Hulkster takes his knuckle

And starts digging

Grinding

Into the prone flesh

Of the Sheik’s temple!

Inhumane torture

Repeatedly

To second degree burns

The pain excruciating

Tugboat screaming in pain

FINALLY

The words come out


“I QUIT!

I QUIT!

I SURRENDER!”


IT’S OVER!

IT’S OVER!

The bell sounds

We have a winner!

We have a new champion!

The war is over!

The Hulkster

Survives Desert Storm Rules

He is the winner!


Howard Finkel

Grabs the microphone

And bellows

To the crowd


“Here is your winner

As a result of surrender

AND

NEWWWWW

World Wrestling Federation champion

THE IMMORTAL

HULK

HO-GAN!”


The Sarge

The Colonel

The General

All saunter back up the aisle

The Iraqi Warship

Rolls alone

To the floor

By himself

As Mean Gene

Grabs the WWF title

From the timekeeper

Enters the ring

Hands it to the bloodied

Bruised

Beaten

Yet jovial Hulkster

Hacksaw

Nikolai

Roll into the ring

The Battle Kat

Leaps onto the apron

The fans

SINGING

To “Real American”

Duggan and Volkoff

Pick the Hulkster up

Onto their shoulders

The Hulkster

Raises the WWF title

Over his head

Mean Gene

Grabs the American flag

Raises it over his head

FIREWORKS

All around the Memorial Coliseum

An all-out American celebration

America WINS!


And all the while

Sheik Tugboat

Absolutely decimated

Destroyed

Abandoned

All alone

On the arena floor

TUGBOAT AKBAR!

Not now

Not anymore

The war is over

He lost

HULKAMANIA

AMERICA

Will live

FOREVER


-fin-


Go to Part 15 HERE


Jon Harder

Jon@HardwayHQ.com

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