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How I'd Make Bastion Booger For the Rumored 1994 Hasbro Orange Card Set


PHOTO CREDIT: Havsum Inc (eBay Auction)

On eBay this morning, it was brought to my attention that one of the concept artists from when the World Wrestling Federation had their action figures licensed by Hasbro is SELLING the designs for the rumored action figures preparing to be created for the next line of action figures.

Months prior, my friend Nick Facchini: Figure Hunter, sent me a picture on Instagram of the head busts of the figures that would be a part of the “Orange Card” Series. Those created included Jeff Jarrett, Men on a Mission, “Made in the USA” Lex Luger and a hatless Undertaker. Also, other concept already announced that there were plans in the works by Hasbro to make a “Big Daddy Cool” Diesel as well. The infamous rumored series seemed more and more likely to be a reality, until the WWF and Hasbro came to an impasse with licensing, ultimately ending that dream from transpiring.

PHOTO CREDIT: @ZombieSailorsToys on Instagram

However, with the concept art on sale on eBay, I’ve breezed through the watermarked designs. The aforementioned crew listed above were drawn up. However, two additional pieces were added to the mix. There was no drawings of the hatless Undertaker. There was, however, an updated version of Doink the Clown, which would have been in his WrestleMania X gear. And, the one that surprised me most of all, the concept art of BASTION F’N BOOGER.

The freakin’ Booger Man would have had an action figure. Business got in the way of me getting my grubby little fingers on a Bastion Booger wrestler.

Photo Credit: RingTheDamnBell.Wordpress.com

To be completely honest, I liked Bastion. As a kid, he was never my all-time favorite, but I liked him. His gear, which was a grey version of the old Demolition outfit, wasn’t that flattering. Then again, I don’t think it was ever really meant to be. He was rotund with a bald head and a goatee, yet had sudden bursts of speed. He was not a flashy wrestler, but he was sturdy enough as a performer to get victories.

Bastion holds quite the distinction in my history of professional wrestling. He was a part of the first ever wrestling match I’ve ever seen live. In Madison Square Garden on September 25, 1993, Big Norm took me to see the WWF live for my 8th birthday. By far, it was quite the momentous occasion. However, I prepared to have my heart broken live right off the get-go. In the opening match, Bastion Booger went one-on-one with my favorite, the 1-2-3 Kid. It was originally supposed to be the Kid against Shawn Michaels for the Intercontinental championship, but “the Heartbreak Kid” was suspended by WWF President Jack Tunney for refusing to defend the championship against scheduled opponents for contracts already signed for competition. With that happening, Mr. Tunney removed Michaels from the 9/25/93 card against the Kid, and in was the Booger Man. 8 minutes in, the Kid went for a sunset flip, and instead, Bastion nailed the Booger Drop butt splash to the chest and picked up the victory. Bastion Booger became public enemy #1 that night.

Regardless of which, I maintain that the Bastion Booger Hasbro action figure is a lost opportunity. I mean, imagine how that figure would have looked and been molded together. There could have been so many opportunities!

THE HUMP IN BETWEEN HIS SHOULDER BLADES: As everyone knows about the Booger Man, he had a growth in between his shoulders. Some might call it excess fat; I call it a hump. Regardless of what it’s called, the concept art showed the structure of that on his back. Imagine if it came to fruition? Bastion Booger would have been the first action figure you could not pin. It would be the ultimate heel of all action figures.

THE “EARTHQUAKE” MECHANISM: With Bastion Booger’s set-up, his body type and arms would be extremely similar to how the Earthquake Hasbro was set-up. If you lift the arms up, you would have quick speed throwing another figure down. This was perfect to what the Booger Man could do anyway. In case an explanation from me didn’t help, here is a YouTube video from a kid demonstrating this.

HAIR ADDED TO THE BODY: Although this is, by far, the most ridiculous vision I have for the Bastion Booger figure, it could have been done. The Booger Man was a hairy creature of sorts. Bordering on beast status, he looked gnarly. You could have added in very small particles of “hair” to the figure to make him authentic. There is precedent to this, as the Doink the Clown figure had authentic “hair” on his head, making him the first figure to have that capability. Add on that same formula to a bit of Bastion, and you have a unique figure that would be worth more down the line as a rarity. Just the vision of it sounds awesome.

Sadly, the Bastion Booger figure only exists on that concept art. Although Jakks Pacific created a “Legends” figure of him, the Hasbro line, to me, is the cream-of-the-crop as it comes to authentic action figures. If I had my way, that is how the figure would be.

I mean, I’m a somewhat functional 31 year old man with a girlfriend and an actual job. Why else envision a toy at this age?

I need help.

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