The Sheik Tugboat Story - PART 1

May 14, 2020

 

INTRO - Part 1

 

In 1990

Hulk Hogan

Was down and out

Given an Earthquake splash

And several Aftershocks

On the Brother Love Show

 

He was crushed

Devastated

Brutalized

Lost a belief in himself

No one knew

If he would ever return

 

One man

Refused to let it happen

Gathered up every single

HULKAMANIAC

Had them say well wishes

Write him letters

Postcards

Cards themselves

Wishing a simple

GET WELL HULK

Got the Hulkster

Back on his feet

Back to believing

In himself

And got his revenge

On Earthquake

And then defended

The United States of America

Beat the Iraqi sympathizer

Sgt, Slaughter

And became the top dog

Once again

The World Champion

Hulkamania ran wild once more

Inside the LA Sports Arena

 

But what would happen

If you hit

An alternate timeline

An alternate reality

A different world

Where the motivation

Would be a swerve

Not just on a friendship

Not just on a fan group

But on an entire country

And defended his championship

In front of

One hundred thousand fans

 

This is the tale

The story

The dream

Of the Iraqi Warship

All hail

SHEIK TUGBOAT

 

---

 

The week before

Summerslam 1990

Earthquake and Dino Bravo

The Canadian Power Duo

Attacked the Tugger

The only Natural Disaster

Devastated the #1 Hulkamaniac

With an Earthquake

9.6 on the Richter Scale

And several Aftershocks

Leaving him out

To watch the Hulkster’s back

At the Biggest Party of the Summer

 

HOWEVER

Unlike the Hulkster’s injury

There were no letters

No postcards

No cards

Not one

GET WELL TUGBOAT

Nothing

No one wished him well

Except for two people

Of an Iraqi persuasion

The General and his Colonel

Adnan and Mustafa

A couple of phone calls

A couple of visits

Showing support

Giving respect

Amassing positivity

The Hulkster let him down

HUGE

No one else cared

The Iraqis let him know.

TUGBOAT AKBAR

 

For weeks on WWF programming

An egg has been showcased

In front of the live crowd

“Incubating”

Preparing to hatch

Questions have been raised

But commentators have let the world know

Survivor Series 1990

The egg will hatch

Anticipation has been built

But so has a plan

A plan

So diabolical

It will turn the WWF

Onto the head

Figuratively

Literally

 

November 22, 1990

It’s time

The hatching is about to occur

The fans are wild about it

Mean Gene Okerlund

Excited upon all belief

“IT”S ABOUT TO BLOW!”

Out pops a giant bird

Bordering on a plump turkey

Gobbledy Gooking around

Eyes the size of

GIANT ping pong balls

Feathers upon feathers

A mass amalgamation

Mean Gene explodes in excitement

“YOU’RE THE GOBBLEDY GOOKER!”

 

Both the giant creature

And the Voice of the WWF

Saunter with swagger

Down to the ring

Together the duo

Starts dancing

Jucking

Jiving

With no regards for the fans in attendance

Heckling ‘til their voice is sore

The do-si-do

The hand jive

Unbeknownst to them

The Triangle of Terror

Led by Sgt. Slaughter

Surround the ring

Mean Gene is befuddled

Stunned

Asking in his announcer tone

“What is the meaning of this?”

 

Suddenly in an instant

The Gooker shoves him

HARD

Right into the turnbuckle

The interviewing maestro

In serious pain

The big bird backs up

RUNNING AVALANCHE

Takes the wind out of Gene

Falls to the canvas

A lifeless carcass

Prone to punishment

One bounce off the ropes

The bird goes airborne

BIG SPLASH

A hushed crowd

A stunned Gorilla and Hot Rod

 

The trio enter the ring

A celebratory team of evil

And remove the HEAD

Of the Gobbledy Gooker

It wasn’t a bird

IT...

WAS…

TUGBOAT!

 

Referees and road agents

Try to stop the mayhem

The chaos

But it’s too late

Mean Gene has been decimated

Destroyed

As the trio

Now a quartet

Leave the arena

A stretcher comes out

EMTs carry out Mean Gene

And take him to an ambulance

Which will take him to

A local medical facility

 

The only thought wondered

The only question asked

WHY TUGBOAT?

WHY?

 

Jon Harder

jon@hardwayhq.com

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